Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:16 am Posts: 28
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Rumpole wrote: Continuing to repost the old "Lolbitches" series... Off topic, but I just HAD to share this. A couple of nights ago I was overwhelmed with the whole "Phone" debates on the GZ threads (here and elsewhere), so I wandered into RT and rummaged around the Casey Anthony thread for a while. I found the "Lolbitches" post, and was compelled to sift through youtube until I found all (or most) of them. I must have dozed off while one of them was playing, because I had the most disturbing nightmare.
In my reverie I found myself at a local dropzone, and noticed a somewhat attractive young woman was skydiving with me. After our jump we began to chat, and she invited me to her home for a party that was planned for later that afternoon. Upon arrival, I joined into the festivities of what seemed to be a rather raucous indoor/outdoor barbecue, but with more of an family and friends type setting. People of all ages were imbibing regularly and, as the party progressed the guests became more and more "festive".
Eventually I spotted my young hostess as she climbed from the pool, and I must admit that her bikini clad figure and "come hither" glances put me under a spell, so I followed her into the house, in hopes of a romantic "liason". As we stood in the kitchen amid other partygoers, I flirted shamelessly with the object of my dalliance until a vaguely familiar, and obviously drunken, older woman danced into the room. My young hostess immediately turned to this unwelcome (to me) intruder, addressed her as "Mother" and introduced her to me as "Cindy Anthony".
Suddenly the pieces began to fit together, and I felt a desperate need to escape the situation. But, to my horror, Cindy grabbed me, threw me to the kitchen floor, and proceeded to squat over me in a rather unpleasant fashion. As I struggled to extract myself, an obviously outraged man came into the kitchen, asked "What in the HELL is going on here?" and an argument ensued. Luckily, in the confusion, I managed to escape the room to the sound of his voice shouting "And don't you EVER come back here, EVER again!"
Mind you, I didn't need HIS warning to keep me away. The very memory of Cindy Anthony squatting on me would have been enough, let alone the revelation that the object of my previous attentions was none other than Casey Anthony, herself! But, as I drove rapidly away, I realized that I had forgotten my hoodie, which I had removed on my arrival. Unwisely, I decided to return, hoping to slip into the party, unnoticed.
This time I parked a couple of blocks away and walked around to the back of the home, meandered past the guests, and through the pool area. So far, so good, I thought to myself. However, I had no sooner entered the home through the poolside sliding glass doors than I was spotted and called out by the angry husband. Once again, to the sounds of his voice shouting "Yeah, you better run, I have a gun!", I ran through the back door, past the startled guests, and jumped the backyard fence. As I cleared the top of the fence, I heard him shouting that I should be chased, and I soon found myself running to a wooded area while a number of horseback mounted searchers pursued me. As I hid in the bushes, I distinctly remember recognizing one or my pursuers as being the leader of the Equusearch team.
The realization was, that I would only be able to escape if I crossed that somewhat swampy wooded thicket, which I managed with some difficulty. To my relief, I seemed to have lost the searchers, so I stopped to catch my breath, and to reflect on the stupidity of my decision to return for a lousy hoodie. Feeling somewhat lost, and in desperate need of help, I reached for my cellphone to call for assistance. But, just as I did, the angry husband loomed over me, laughing as he said "You FOOL! Did you actually think you could get away? I have been tracking you this whole time, using the GPS location of your phone!"
Now, I KNEW this was impossible, because I owned an older style flip phone that did not HAVE GPS capability, which I (for some odd reason) I tried to point out to this man, who I was just now beginning to recognize. But, to my amazement, the phone in my hand was, indeed, a newer model Android phone. Dismayed but this discovery, I simply gave up, and awaited whatever fate he deemed to to dispense. Just as things seemed bleakest, my young hostess emerged from the bushes, and seemed ready to rescue me from certain doom.
As the pair joined me, seated on the ground, and they calmly discussed my fate, I studied his face and listened as Casey asked "Do we have to kill him?" and her father replied "Well, I will leave that up to you, but you know what I would recommend." Unable to contain myself any longer, I began to babble about how it was not my fault, I didn't encourage Cindy to do what she had done, and that (since I now knew his daughter was actually Casey Anthony) I was no longer "interested" in ANY of the female members of his family. Then, I FINALLY recognized WHO he was, and all hope faded.
It was about this time that I awakened with a start, and in a cold sweat. What a horrible experience! To be THAT CLOSE TO AL GORE! WHAT A NIGHTMARE! How did HE wind up in my dream?
_________________ Figures never lie, but liars sometime figure.
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